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Emotional Intelligence: The Secret Weapon for Real Estate Success

Published: 08-13-24 Category: Insight

Specializes in providing actionable insights into the commercial real estate space for investors, brokers, lessors, and lessees. He covers quarterly market data reports, investment strategies, how-to guides, and top-down perspectives on market movements.

If you're pursuing a career in real estate—either residential, commercial, or both—you're already well aware that it's important to keep up with sales, listings, and property management trends. Managing how we communicate with clients, tenants, and property owners is also important.

This has never been more important than during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. Real estate demand see-sawed, prices rose unexpectedly, and some commercial real estate took a beating when quarantines kept millions at home.

No matter what your market's current outlook is, both you and your clients will benefit from your skills in emotional intelligence, or EI. Nobody wants to work with an agent who doesn't listen or can't handle common problems.

For both residential and commercial agents, mastering EI can be the key to understanding clients' needs, managing stress, and navigating challenging situations with finesse.

Here are the basics.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.

The phrase “emotional intelligence” was first created in 1990, when two psychology professors authored a theory for the journal Imagination, Cognition and Personality.

They developed a model for emotional intelligence that incorporated perceiving, managing, and understanding emotions and using emotions to facilitate thinking.

Several years later, psychologist Daniel Goleman wrote the book Emotional Intelligence, highlighting its importance in the workplace. Goleman identified the five key components of EI as self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

In real estate, this translates to better client relationships, more effective negotiations, and increased overall success.

Let's explore the five core components of EI and how they apply to your real estate career.

#1 – Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of EI. It involves recognizing your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and triggers.

As a real estate agent, being self-aware allows you to:

Identify and manage stress before it affects your interactions with others.
Understand your personal communication style and how it impacts clients.
Recognize and address your biases to make fair, objective decisions.

If you're not sure of your own level of self-awareness, it can be helpful to keep a daily journal.

When your work day ends, write about the emotions, reactions, and interactions you experienced. This practice can help you identify positive patterns and areas where you may want to improve.

#2 – Self-Regulation

Once you're aware of your emotions, the next step is learning to regulate them.

Considering the uniquely stressful situations that many of you have seen during unpredictable times, you probably understand the importance of this talent.

This doesn't mean you have to suppress your feelings 24/7. Instead, learn to manage them appropriately, especially during real estate negotiations.

Self-regulation can help you:

Stay calm during contract negotiations, contingencies, and problems with tenants.
Maintain your professionalism during frustrating situations.
Adapt quickly to unexpected changes or setbacks.

If you're having a frustrating hair-puller of a day, try practicing the "pause and breathe" technique.

Take a deep breath and count to five before responding. This brief pause can help you feel calmer and respond thoughtfully and calmly.

#3 – Motivation

Emotionally intelligent individuals are often self-motivated, driven by internal factors rather than external rewards. This self-motivation includes your drive to improve your relationships, commit to certain goals, and display higher levels of resilience and optimism.

This can be easily misunderstood, as motivation is almost always described when discussing success in business, such as breaking a sales record or bringing in a big commission.

In the challenging world of real estate, this internal motivation can:

Encourage you to be patient and persistent in the face of challenges.
Help you create, set, and achieve ambitious goals.
Build lasting relationships with those who appreciate your EI skills.
Inspire confidence when you're in a discussion with a client or colleague.

Practical tip: Set meaningful, personal goals that align with your values. Regularly visualize yourself achieving these goals to stay motivated during tough times.

#4 – Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. For a few people, it comes naturally, but many others need to spend time developing this EI skill.

For real estate agents, empathy is crucial for:

Understanding every client's unique, underlying needs and desires. Everyone has different reasons for these.
Building genuine, lasting trust and rapport with more of your clients.
Anticipating and addressing potential concerns before they become issues.

You can improve your empathy skills by practicing active listening. Focus entirely on what your client is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Ask questions about the key points of the conversation to show you're truly engaged.

#5 – Social Skills

The final component involves effectively managing relationships and building networks. Some agents are natural “social animals” and enter the business with an advantage.

Strong social skills in real estate can lead to:

More referrals and repeat business (what you strive for daily).
Smoother negotiations with other agents and parties.
A positive reputation in the industry. This is viewed by some as the ultimate prize.

While many agents have already improved their social skills, you may still want to set goals. For example, see how many meaningful connections you make at your next industry event.

Now that we've reviewed the ingredients of EI for real estate, let's look at some exercises to help you remember and practice EI every day.

Improving Your Emotional Intelligence

Here are some simple, effective ways to enhance your skills.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judging or criticizing yourself.

Regular mindfulness practice can improve self-awareness and emotional regulation.

Phone apps like Calm provide guided meditations tailored to busy agents.

Role-Play Stressful Scenarios

Encourage your colleagues to join you since they also handle difficult situations.

Set up a monthly role-play to improve your responses to different emotional scenarios.

Develop Your Listening Skills

Active listening goes beyond just hearing words. Practice giving your full attention to others, picking up on non-verbal cues, and asking clarifying questions.

Challenge yourself to spend 80% of your time listening during client meetings or calls.